Thoughtless Intetions
by rosen-grace
Summary: the gazette Uruha x Ruki Uruha couldn't help but hurt himself because of all the abuse and emotional trauma he's been going through. As each day passes on like a gray haze. Uruha's cutting became more aggressive, making it noticeable for his band members.
1. Chapter 1

The sun glared morning rays against Uruha's window. He grunted in disbelief that it was morning already. With a bitter taste of tears left over from last night.

Uruha raised his wrist near his face, staring at the freshly made cuts.

The urge to pick on them crossed his mind.

He slowly raised his other hand, and began using the longest nail on his thumb, the first few scratches were hesitant, after another and another he started getting used to it. Until he saw his own satisfying blood streaming down his arms and ending as small pools on his white bedsheets

Even though people saw it as self harm, he saw as an escape that most people wouldn't dare to try.

He lowered his arms and turned towards the nightstand, his eyes on the alarm clock, 11:45am. He sighed, realizing that it was almost time for band practice. Uruha got out of bed, looking back at the wet stains of blood he left behind on his bed sheets and moved on towards the bathroom.

splattered spots of dried blood was everywhere on gray the sink, with red finger prints left on the silver handles as well. Though it didn't stop him from washing his wrist from another bloody urge. As he did so Uruha took a look at himself in the mirror, he lost weight again and dark rings started forming under his eyes, the overnight reliefs are becoming more and more common, making him lose most of his sleeping time, creating blood shot eyes that were obvious under his pale complexion. He sighed, turning the water off and reached for the cabinets under the sink, taking a few bandages.

He walked out of the bathroom as he gently placed the bandages on his wrist and stopped in front of the closet. Uruha had nothing special in mind, as long as he could hide his wrist it really didn't really matter how he looked. He slid the door aside, pulling out a white tank top, baggie jeans, a long sleeved jacket and a pair of gray converse. He quickly walked to the kitchen while zipping up his jacket halfway and grabbed his car keys off the counter. Trying to ignore all the empty bottles of alcohol in the sink.

Uruha laid back against the car seat before putting the keys in the ignition, he stared up for a moment, letting a few tears escape from his eyes.

"It's not a matter of regret, it's the matter of staying sane." ,he murmured to himself.

Soon after, he closed his eyes, and imagined the gray world he could be able to see under the sky.

_'What would it be like, if I were to jump and never touch the ground.'_ he mouthed out the words as he thought.

His cellphone rang suddenly, Uruha jumped a bit, grabbing the phone inside the cup holders in stunned irritation and check the caller I.D screen on the front of the phone. It was kai, he opened the phone and hit the close call button immediately and flipped it closed again, putting it back between the cup holders.

He rubbed his face, sighing, and started the car.


	2. Chapter 2

Uruha pushed open the front doors of the large studio building and was welcomed with a gush of cold air from the air conditioning. Everything was still the same, the red carpeted hallway that maze around the first floor, original works for album covers clung to the small spaces in between every door. The orange walls were repainted with the same color, covering the chipped edges of age that he used to have a habit of picking on Uruha felt for the strap of his guitar case that went across his chest.

It's been a while since he's seen everyone, It never occurred to him on how everyone's view on him was going to change ever since Ruki and Kai found out about his secret, especially on how he found out. Uruha bit his lip out of anxiety that came out of the thought.

He continued down the hallway, stopping at the last door on the left. He placed his hand on the handle, giving himself a moment to breathe and finally opened the door.

Everyone was sitting in their usual seats at the round table, music sheets, budget plans and even papers of unplanned tour dates were scattered everywhere on the table. Everyone was focused on Ruki who was talking about ideas about what they can do to help out with public events that happen occasionally in the studio. Ruki looked up and noticed Uruha entering the room and stayed silent for a moment, a smile perked up on his face. Everyone looked up, Aoi broke the silence " Well we haven't seen you in a while."

Reita who was sitting next to him spoke "What were you up to for the past couple of weeks. Did you go hunting for chicks or what?" They all started laughing a bit.

Uruha sat in his spot next to Kai and placed his guitar on the side of his chair, " Well maybe not a girlfriend but I have been getting some phone calls from a certain someone." he quickly glanced to the side at Kai chuckling a bit then continued "So what were you guy's finishing up on."

Ruki answered " Ah, well the studio wanted to host another event, mainly promoting new releases. Anyways, lucky for you we're practically done with this boring crap."

Ruki's smile saddened a bit then began fidgeting with some papers in his hands and spoke in a softer voice, "So, how are holding up, are your cutting habits getting any better?"

Uruha sighed and looked down at his lap, gripping his jacket sleeves, " No, they're...actually...getting worse."

Ruki sat back in chair "More often now?"

Uruha nodded, with a pained feeling in his chest, 'Why now, when I've just came back.'

Aoi broke the crude air, startling Uruha " I don't understand, Why do you do this to yourself, ever since that father of your made that 'small visit.' you've been putting yourself down and it even went as far as for you to even commit suicide. What did he do to you that was so bad?"

Uruha shook his head slightly, choking back that heavy feeling.

Ruki stood from his seat and walked over to Uruha "Let me see your wrist."

He jumped a bit glancing up at Ruki "Why?"

"Uruha, let me see them."

Kai stepped in and put his hands over Uruha's, "Ruki, don't take it too far, I know your concerned but now is not the time."

Ruki gave both a pained and angered look, he aggressively took Uruha's right arm and jerked the sleeve down. Revealing new cuts that were freshly deepened and surrounded with red tender skin. Uruha pulled his arm back but Ruki didn't let go.

Everyone was startled by the sight, Ruki even more so disgusted at he's seeing. Uruha looked down in burden, he closed his eyes, letting tears fall against his habit.

Ruki finally let's go, quickly exiting the room and slamming the door behind him. Uruha began cradling his arm. Kai began comforting him and looked back at Aoi and Reita " I need you two to go after Ruki, try to calm him down and tell him that I expect him to apologize."

Both were stunned at what just happened, trying to settle in the idea of what Ruki just did, eventually they left the room searching for Ruki.

Uruha looked up at Kai with smeared make-up running down his face, "What's wrong with Ruki?"

Kai sighed deeply in frustration, he's never dealt with anything like this before and finally explained, "He's...been stressing a lot, not only does he have to deal with work around the band but, he's also been worried about at the same time and with that in hand, it just makes things more difficult to work with." Uruha wiped his eyes using the end of his jacket sleeve.

Kai rested his hand on Uruha's shoulder "I recommend that you go back home or at the least leave the studio. I'll try to settle things down." Kai left the room, leaving Uruha to himself.

He eventually left the studio, leaving his guitar behind, he didn't pay much mind to anything around him anymore. He just sat there for a moment in his car, thinking about what just happened, 'Was it really my fault that Ruki ended up this way?' the sense of guilt weighed in on his chest.

He pulled down the sun visor and opened up the mirror inside it. There were loose strands of hair everywhere on his shoulders. The sight startled him a bit and immediately began brushing them off. He grabbed a rubber band from the glove compartment and tied his hair back, he closed the sun visor.


	3. Chapter 3

He sat there, starring at the view of the city night lights from his bedroom balcony, sitting there dazed with a sad smile on his face. It was hard not to think of what happened at the studio, the sad view of his cuts and the fragment of disgust coming from Ruki, it pained him even just to think about it.

The wind pushed against his hair, he took another mouthful of alcohol he clings on to effortlessly.

Patches of clouds covered the sunset sky, making it darker towards the night. The streets began to shine on their night lights beneath him.

Nothing mattered to him anymore; what Ruki did to him just made something fall from his chest, making it hard to breathe in his own isolated world. Uruha began choking back a few tears that came from the thought, he finally gave in the city lights began to blur as mounds of gray rain began to pour down on him. He dropped the bottle; covering his face with both hands trembling at what was becoming of him. Uruha lost himself in the void of despair, there was nothing left of him but the scars he left behind on his arms.

"Maybe I should just end it all." His mind went blank at the thought. For moments on end there was only the sound of pattered rain and his own breaths. Uruha unconsciously stood from his chair and began walking back in to the bedroom, leaving the door open behind him.

"There's nothing left for me here; I'm useless as my own life can be." he whispered out those words that just stabbed against him. He walked into the bathroom and opened the mirrored cabinet, grabbing the razor that rusted over the past months of it's use. Uruha gripped the blade and laid against the tile wall and slid down, feeling the familiar thud of the cold floor. Turning on the light switch from above, he closed the door next to him and looked at his wrist, emotionless tears slide down his face. He gripped the blade, letting it cut into his palm for a moment. His hand loosens as he finally held the blade against his wrist. Uruha made a few hesitant red marks, then another few, until the sharpest edge of the blade was held against himself; the vain. His hands shook as Uruha placed enough pressure to cut deeply into his flesh and into the vain. Mounds of blood poured out as red lines traced onto the floor. Though he only starred with a small grin that gradually left as his vision faded. Uruha fell to the side, letting the blood surround him and outlining his body. Soft voices filled his mind and echoed past him, there was a warm touch on his right arm and another near the side of his body. They eventually became faint and unrecognizable, he felt his body fall into a light presence of dream as he finally closed his eyes.

Uruha felt as if he were floating with eyes closed, he felt something warm wrap around his hands. There was a sense in him of not losing it, he clings onto that comforting feeling. Even if it left at times, he kept his hand open hoping that it would return on its own.

Uruha felt something brush against his cheek, he felt himself flinch. He woke up a bit, feeling a more stable ground. His mind eventually left the murky side of his dream; Uruha felt a small amount of weight against his head and moved a bit, he flinched at the tension on his neck, and grimaced out how dry his mouth was. Uruha opened his eyes at bit an he was greeted by bright rays of white. His eyes slowly adjusted as he felt for the warm feeling in his hand, it was still there, Uruha starred up at the ceiling.

'Where am I?' That thought stretched on his mind. He slowly remembered what he had done to himself and the likely place that he's in right now.

His eyes observed the room and, was surprised at the sight next to him. A chair was propped up next to the bed and sitting on it was Ruki with his face buried beneath his arm on the bed, sleeping. His hand never letting go of Uruhas. He smiled at the sight; his eyes moved on, beneath the windows there was a small couch propped up against the wall. He took a closer look and saw that Kai was sleeping with his hands cushioning his head, snoring softly with the occasional cough.

Another though weighed in on his head ,"I survived..." He whispered out those words as small amounts of tears slid down his face. They way he deeply cuts into his own wrist, the blood that spreads through out the floor of the bathroom, of all the odds, why is he still alive? He choked back another set of tears hoping that Kai and Ruki wouldn't wake up because of him. He lightly squeezed Ruki's hand for comfort as the thoughts settled into his mind. Uruha began to tremble and lets go of Rukis hand he looked at his own wrist.

Stitches were hastily made, closing the still visible lines of the cuts. The black nylon stitches easily reflected beneath the light of the hospital room, revealing more areas that are marked with small amounts of dry blood and infected red skin. He laid his wrist down immediately, terrified by the sight he just saw on his wrist.

Ruki groaned a bit as his hand moved around, searching for Uruhas. He smiled a bit at the sight and closed his hand around Rukis. He sighed a bit and closed his eyes as he felt light headed, immediately falling back in to his endless dream.


	4. Chapter 4

Uruha felt a warmth settle over his cheek, his eyes flinched as he slowly began to wake up. His eyes pained against the lights from above as they adjusted; next to him he saw a shadowy figure standing over him, the shape of its hair quavered as it moved. For a moment he felt its hand humb over his cheek, Uruhas eyes settled over the image, fragments of its body becoming clearer. He was wearing a light gray jacket, with an oversized white t-shirt, and a pair of black jeans; it was Ruki, his features seemed tired and emotionally pained. Uruha nudged his cheek against the mans hand, a sort of response to what he couldn't speak for yet.

Ruki's lips quivered, at the sight of Uruha laying in bed, multiple I.V catheters struck at his arms from every angle, Uruhas features becoming paler from the recent blood loss and, the shriveling weakness of his own body.

"Uruha... try not to move around to much, the catheters could become painful on you." Ruki whispered in a soft but groggy voice, trying to keep himself from crying in front of the man.

Uruha heard a door open, then shut near to the side of the room, and tried glancing at who it was but, became painful as he tried to move his head at a stiff angle. He heard the persons steps move near to were Ruki was,

"Is he awake?" it was a soft but more playful voice, Uruhas head buzzed as he hazed through the familiarity of the voice, 'It's Kai...' he thought. Ruki step aside, letting Kai take a look, he had a soft smile on his face but more so of a relieved one, like that of stress that fallen from his shoulders.

"How are you holding up buddy?" his voice was still at a slight playful tone, obvious that he did want to bother Uruha too much.

Uruha tried chuckling for more of the happier side of his response, but only a small huff of air escaped his lips, Kai noticed what he was trying to do as Uruha made a small smile from trying to chuckle. He lightly squeezed his arm in an enthusiastic manner, happy to see that his friend is trying to look at the smaller good compared to the larger scale of stress and anxiety his situation was. Uruha coughed for a moment before trying to speak,

"What did the doctors say?..." anxiety was slightly peaking in his chest, 'What are that chances of me going to a mental hospital?' he pondered over the thought for a moment before returning his attention towards Kai. He was humming, obviously not sure what to say, he looked at Ruki for moment, the man had a slight serious look on his face. 'Are they hiding something from me?' Uruha thought.

Kai shrugged and finally answered,

"Out of all honesty, they didn't say much, the doctors kept asking personal questions about you and what we think your possibly going through, so basically, they don't have much of an idea to consider you in until they can talk to you." Uruha flinched at the thought, slightly annoyed that the doctors try to predict on what type of case he was in just by asking a few personal questions.

The air grew silent between them as Uruha thought for a moment longer; he didn't have much to say after that but, in a way Uruha just wanted to make the time he possibly had between Ruki and Kai last. To his relief, Ruki broke the silence,

"Kai and I, have stayed in the hospital with you every since you got checked in. We even slept in here if you can believe that." Ruki grinned a bit, trying to make more a joyful conversation.

Kai nodded a bit in agreement before speaking,

"I slept on the small couch, and Ruki propped a chair near your bed," Kai chuckled before continuing,

"I even caught him holding your hand as he slept."

Ruki glanced at him in slight embarrassment, his cheeks turning a soft red.

Uruha raised his right hand, gesturing for Ruki to hold it out of comfort, the blond smiled softly, knowing that Ruki was slightly stubborn at admitting such things, he still had a way of showing comfort to him. Ruki reached from were he stood and enclosed his hand with his, Ruki's temples felt cold to the touch but having it in his felt relaxing somehow. Uruha lightly squeezed his hand and smile before letting go, Kai smiled at the sight of how the two were so close to each other, even through physical expression.

There was a small knock on the door, Uruha couldn't help but look to see who was coming in, he felt his chest boil a bit,

'Is it the doctor?' his anxiety raised a bit as Kai went to answer the door, he heard small murmurs, Kai returned but to the left side of his bed know, and in came Reita and Aoi, they both looked stunned at the sight of him weakly in bed. Though, they both looked sorry for some reason, just as he was about to think over on why, two men in white came in. He heard Kai speaking to him his voice at the peak of tears, the man was gripping at the rails on the side of the bed,

"I'm sorry Uruha, they said because of the state of your suicide attempt, the doctors thought it was best to send you to a mental hospital for a while."

Uruhas head immediately stung at an eery noise in his ears of the sudden news and firmly shuts his eyes, a thousand questions boiled in his body as a anger of unforgiven betrayal nearly overstepped his calmness at trying to deal with the sudden situation. He opened them once more and saw that both men in white were on either side of his bed; Uruhas instincts came in and he did something that he never thought was possible for him to do.

Uruha pulled all the catheters bullringly and stood nearly on his knees on the bed and grabbed one of the men by the neck, aggressively choking him, making them both fall back onto the floor. All of them gasped in surprise, Ruki ran out of the room, Kai immediately following him. Uruha stood over the bold man, and saw the other near him, he immediately kicked him in the stomach, making the force of his leg harder as the man tried running towards him. The man in white fell back, coughing up some blood; the other that was in the grip of his hands, finally passed out from the lack of oxygen. Uruha ran out the room, down the hallway he saw both Ruki and Kai look down the hallway and towards him, 3 doctors were behind them, they pushed passed them and started running towards Uruha.

"Get him!' one of them yelled,

Uruha immediately started sprinting down the other end of the hallway, immediately taking a right, just as he thought it was a dead end, filled with other men in white clothing, he saw a door that led to the emergency stairs and took it. He pushed the door closed and ran down the cold cement steps that felt slippery beneath his bare feet, there was a red sign to his right as he passed by it that said floor eight,

'They'll likely be there by the time I reach to the first floor he thought,'

Uruhas rushing instincts occurred and pushed a thought across him mind, 'By floor 4, I'll take the elevator, they'll likely won't expect me to be in it.' as he planned, he pushed through the other door to floor four and found that nurse that stood near a desk look at him in surprise, she immidetly stepped back and went to the back of the desk, obviously alerting the doctors, he sprinted down the hallway once more and took the elevator; the doors slid closed and the cool air hit him, making him surprised at how exhausted he already was. The elevator jolted to a stop and he anxiously waited for the doors to open, already ready to run to wherever the ext was.

The doors slid open once more and there were men in white already at the door,

'No...' he though, one of them grabbed him by the throat, nearly picking him up by the feet and pinned him against the cold metal wall of the elevator, one of the doctors that worked in the hospital appeared behind him was holding a thickly tubed injection in his hand, Uruha began to struggle as he stepped closer,

"Don't touch me you fucking cunt!" he strggled against the mans grip at his throat as he spat out the words in fury. The docotor took his arm in a surprisingly great amount of force and injected him with a heavy sleeping medication right into the vein, Uruha gasped at the sudden blister of cold that pulsed in his arm and immediately into his chest; making him take a cold breath before he finally passed out.


	5. Chapter 5

Uruha woke up with startle, immediately feeling restraints against his wrist and ankles, the man raised his head noticing that he was in another hospital room now. He bit his lip out of anxiety, trying to keep the tears from pouring out so weakly,

"How could they?..." he thought,

"Everyone just thinks I'm crazy now, so why is it even worth keeping me alive now..."

There was a soft knock on the door, but he looked away, not wanting to see anybody,

"I hate this world I live in," he pursed his lips, still thinking,

"Uruha?..."

His name stung the air for a moment; its Ruki...

"Go away..." Uruha whispered, still refusing to look at him. The blond heard a small heave of air from the man,

"Uruha...I need you too look at me...please?" the man couldn't help it, it sounded like the man was on the verge of tears,

Uruha turned his head slowly, seeing a small colors of his clothing and eventually the man himself; Ruki was clutching his hands against his chest his hair look battered and seemed like he hasn't been eating lately. As soon as they both made eye contact, Ruki started to whimper and gave him a large hug; Uruha felt worse then before, knowing that he couldn't hug the man back. He felt the Burnett squeeze his a bit before letting go, a tears fell against Uruhas cheeks, making his flinch as they rolled down, cold and helpless against the pillow.

"I'm sorry...I couldn't do anything, it was made as a final decision but the doctors that they put you here; we didn't have a choice in it." he blurted out, not sure what else to say after that, only that he was shaking from the emotional anxiety that he was feeling.

Uruha bit his lip harder this time, tasting a bit of blood in his mouth, somehow making him calm down.

"Ruki..." his voice was startling on how hoarse it was.

The man perked up a bit from his name, looking at his like he would do anything for Uruha.

"I need you to leave..." his chest began to hurt from what he said to young man, Ruki slowly backed away, obviously hurt. The burnett just turned around and immediately left. Leaving nothing else but the sound of the door closing behind him.

_**~Ruki~**_

Ruki closed the door behind him gently, not wanting to cause any trouble with the already sad man. Hi couldn't help but grip at his jacket as he looked at the floor, letting the tears flow from his cheeks and to the gray floors beneath him. He clenched his teeth, trying not to scream in the quiet building. He started walking down the hallways of the large corridor and finally got out of the building, Ruki settled in his car, not sure what to do with himself now.

"He hates me.." he whispered, Ruki felt himself emotionally drop, he just couldn't handle the fact that the man didn't want to see him anymore. He held his breath for a moment, trying to hold back the lonesome tears and started the ignition.

By the time Ruki reached his apartment, he was already a emotional wreck, his shoulders shaking from trying to hold out whatever pain he had, he sat down in his couch, gripping his hands out of anxiety and bursted into tears. "He hates me!" he told himself, 'It's all my fault...', there wasn't much but the feeling of hatred in his chest. Knowing that Uruha no longer loved him as a friend. It was too late to apologize, too late to say anything at all.

Depression loomed over Ruki after that point, he laid in his couch, ignoring the ringing of his cellphone that laid sprawled on the coffee table in front of him. He looked at it once, the label yelling at him that it was Kai; it was expected.

Ruki closed his eyes, trying to ignore the ringing of the phone, eventually falling asleep, feeling tired from what happened.


	6. Chapter 6

Ruki woke up with a small shake to his shoulder, he slowly opened his eyes to find Kai and Aoi standing over him. He sat up, paying mind to Kai and Aoi's worried looks, "We've called so many times Ruki, it's not like you to ignore our calls; what's wrong?" there was the obvious concern tone to his voice. The burnnet just shrugged, not wanting to say anything.

Kai rested his hands on both of his shoulders, leaning close to him, "Ruki...tell me...what did Uruha say to you?"

Mentally, Ruki was hit with a sort of mixed emotion, sad and pained, the depression came back, and all he could do was look down at the floor, not wanting to look at Kai anymore. "Ruki?" he was getting even more worried. Aoi sighed as Kai stepped to side, he picked Ruki up by the waist and carried him to his room. There they continued to persuade Ruki to talk about what happened but he still refused; eventually both men left him.

He was laying on his bed now thinking over and over about what Uruha said to him, eventually something crossed his mind, 'What does Uruha feel about cutting?' he shook his head in surprise 'What _did _he feel, relief, pain, pleasure?' Ruki starred at the moment 'relief...' he repeated the thought, 'relief...'. Ruki picked himself up and got off the bed, getting an old blade that was used as a carving knife. He imagined Uruha putting the blade to his wrist, and mimicked what he thought, just was he was about to cut his way through his wrist, a hand gripped it, he looked up in surprise to see Aoi. His lips were pursed "Ruki..." his voice shuddered, Aoi's hand reached over for the carving knife and took it, leaving his hand empty with a sense of desperation. He continued to grip Ruki's wrist.

Ruki bursted out crying, hugging Aoi tightly for comfort, the man hugge him back tightly not sure what to say; he petted Ruki's hair, as if he were a child.

Eventually he picked him up like before and carried him to bed, only he laid beside him, continuing to comfort him until his sobs quieted, eventually falling asleep. Aoi looked at the man for a moment, before quietly getting out of bed, before deciding to leave, Aoi decided to take whatever sharp object there was in his home, leaving on the butter knives and forks.

~X~

Kai's phone rang, he grunted, picking up the cellphone and checking to see who it was, "Aoi? Why would he be calling me at this hour?", eventually Kai answered the call, not wanting to be rude, "What is it Aoi?" he heard the man sigh at the other line, eventually he responded "I caught Ruki...trying to hurt himself.", Kai sat up in bed in disbelief of what he heard, "What do you mean?" not sure what to say, "I mean, I saw him put a blade to his wrist; I left him alone by the time he went to sleep but, I had to take precaution and take all the sharp objects he had.". Kai covered his mouth, '_This shouldn't be happening_' he thought '_Ruki is stronger than this_!' he only sighed, not sure what to say, "I'll...talk to Uruha tomorrow, see if he'll tell me." he heard Aoi chuckle "I'm sorry Kai but I highly doubt he'll talk about what he said; look at how Ruki is, he's undoubtedly mad at us. For gods sake Kai, be realistic about this!", Kai held his breath, slightly hurt from what Aoi said. He heard him sigh once more "I..I'm sorry, I just feel awful seeing him like that, he just seemed desperate, and he ended up crying so easily too, I can't help but let it bother me.", Kai felt himself nod, "I understand Aoi, just try to get some sleep, do me a favor and talk to Reita about it, we can't leave him behind on this.". Both men said their good nights after that point, leaving Kai to think heavily on what he's going to do.

The next morning Kai went to visit Ruki before seeing Uruha; he went through the corridor of the apartments, finding that Ruki's door was open, startled, he ran inside, "Ruki?!" he yelled, Ruki perked up in the kitchen, surprised to see Kai, "Oh..sorry, I just thought something happened; why did you leave your door open?" Ruki sighed, obvious why Kai would be concerned or 'on guard' "I just wanted to the apartment to air out is all, it smelled like cigarette smoke when I woke up, it's probably from the neighbors." kai sighed in response, and walked over to the kitchen. He noticed that the man was a bit pale, '_He's turning out like Uruha..._' he couldn't help but compare the image of both men, "Did you get any sleep Ruki?", the man nodded "A little bit...I woke up when Aoi left.", Kai jumped a bit at the sudden mention of Aoi, bringing out like nothing happened last night. He settled his hand on the younger man's back, rubbing it a bit, "You're...ok right?", Ruki looked up at him with sad eyes, obvious that he didn't want to talk about, Kai pulled him into a hug, resting his head on his shoulder. Kai was close to tears "Calm down Ruki..." he whined, "Just let it go...", he felt the man push him away, Ruki gave him an angry look. "Get out..." he whispered, "Ruki..." Kai said, the man said the same thing but a little more sternly this time. Kai sighed, not wanting to cry in front of him, eventually leaving the apartment.

Ruki sat at his couch, everything just hit him in nearly a day, "Stupid!" he yelled, he covered his face with both hands. He held his breath, clutching his hands, desperately trying not scream, they're treating him just like Uruha, like a child. Ruki suddenly got up and walked to the bathroom, looking at the mirror, he hasn't eaten since Uruha went to the hospital, leaving his skin pale. Ruki bit his lip until he tasted blood, eventually his anger got to him, unconsciouly punching the mirror; leaving a corner of it into shards of broken glass, '_There's one thing that Aoi hasn't tooken..._' he thought.

He picked up one of the larger shards that landed on the floor, twirling it between his fingers as if it were a toy. Ruki placed the shard of glass against his wrist, not hesitating to cut deeply into it. Blood oozed onto the glass, painting it red, '_Pretty..._' he thought. He made a few more deep cuts, eventually switching it to his other wrist, doing the same thing. A thought crossed his mind, Ruki took some of the blood, smearing it on his face, more and more, until it began to drizzle from his chin, Ruki looked at the mirror and began laughing hysterically, eventually his laughter turned into a scream, making him go down to his knees, clutching his hair painfully. '_This is what I am..., just as ruthless as Uruha._', Ruki clutched his wrist, nails deeply cutting into the already damaged skin, slowly going upward until a bleeding trail of claw marks ran up his skin.


End file.
